Rodents, Cocks and Cockroaches

Yesterday I was sifting through the pile of junk left behind by our workers, flattening soggy boxes in preparation for the recycling truck. I picked up the carton of beer bottles, which seemed a bit heavy to be completely empty so I peered inside. I was not at all prepared to see two beady eyes peering back at me, and I'm sure the rat was not at all prepared to see me. I threw the box in a fit of panic and our fat friend scurried away.

That incident brought me back to the year I spent in Taiwan out of college, where we hosted all sorts of unwelcome guests. It was an old house situated in a not-so-clean alley, and the geckos, spiders and cockroaches were numerous. Fair enough until we started to notice... ahem, droppings. And things seemed mysteriously out of place - some garbage not belonging to us hooked onto the hole underneath our bathtub, noises of munching in the dead of night - all signs of a most unwelcome intruder.

We put out a thick glue trap with some food to tempt the critter, but all we found was little rat footprints, no food, a feces, and the glue trap in tact. One night as I got home, I walked by my bed to turn on the light and saw a flash of black streaming out the door behind me. It was him - terror had begun to take shape.

We lived like that for awhile until one night, out of that dazed moment just before dropping off, I heard what sounded like my roommate trying to shake the phone cord in order to free it. My sleepy mind went, "enough already!!" before I became fully alert. I jumped out of bed, opened my door, and the light from my room spilled out into the hallway - onto ..... those beady eyes.

Mark, unfortunately the only male resident of our 3-member household, had the unpleasant task of removing the rat. It involved (and yes, I am still traumatized here) beating the rat to death and disposing it in the garbage. Girding his loins (and whimpering a bit), he took the plywood and went "WHACK!" and then "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee". Yes, I'm afraid the rat screamed in pain. I am really sorry for the animal lovers out there. Again, "WHACK!" again "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee". Once more "WHACK". Silence. Afraid that the rat would jump out of his death and his glued hide and sink his teeth into his arm, Mark quickly put the rat in the garbage and we all went to bed trembling.

I know in other parts of the world there is just more co-habitation than where we are. After all, in Africa a very large cockroach chose to make his home in my bosom. He climbed right up my loose floor-length traditional dress and only turned and embraced my chest at the moment where my skin connected with the cloth. The only thing preventing me from ripping off my dress was the large number of male residents - both Western and African in the vicinity. I had to make do with clutching the beast and dress in my fist, releasing it and watching it drop to the floor before squashing it with all the force my disgust could muster. I should add that in Africa, we also found scorpions, spiders, stray cats, and would occasionally be woken up to our lunch crowing in consternation to find himself roped in the kitchen by our matter-of-fact cook.

I won't relive anymore of my nightmares with rodents, cocks and cockroaches with you. Suffice it to say that there will always be some guests that are not at all welcome in my home. And since our fat beady friend is not up to speed on what happened to his less fortunate cousin, we will have to take more preventative measures to keep him out.